the Mind’s Chew Toy

When I heard that Spike TV was showing a new wrestling, named Total Non-Stop Action (aka TNA), I figured I’d check it out. Much to my surprise, I recognized a lot of the wrestlers. As it turns out, if a wrestler is let go (or quits) WWE, they are most likely to show up on this TNA.

While TNA does have the Dudley Boyz (including Spike, now known as Brother Runt), Christian, Christy Hemme, Kevin Nash, Billy Gunn (now going as Kip James), Gail Kim, Jackie Gayde and Raven, they’ve also picked up Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner and Rhyno (now spelled with an “i”). In case you missed it, Scott Steiner was fired for steroid abuse, while Rhyno was let go after trashing a hotel room. I don’t know what TNA management is thinking, especially when it comes to pulling in Scott Steiner. After being fired for illegaly taking steroids, why would TNA hire him? Do they not care about his illegal drug use? Are they that desperate for people that they just “overlook” this? C’mon, do a little research - find out why they were fired in the first place.

And then there’s Christian, who recently quit the WWE because he wasn’t getting to play a big enough part in the action. Boo hoo. He just never had what it takes to become big by himself. Sure, he was good in tag-teams with Edge, but by himself he just doesn’t seem to have the charisma to carry a title. But, he switches over to TNA, and guess what? He’s the heavyweight champion within weeks. Sounds to me like it was in his contract when he hired on. How pathetic. Don’t have what it takes to make it in the big leagues? Join TNA. What kind of desperate plea is that?

Amongst all these ex-WWE‘rs, there are also a few faces from the now defunct WCW brand as well, including Jeff Jarrett, and recently, Sting. Since I never got into the WCW brand, most of these guys are unknowns to me. Sting I’ve heard of, but since I’ve been keeping up with TNA (basically on the lookout for more ex-WWE), I have yet to see him in a single match. They parade him out on their hour-long Impact! show, have him spout off some words, then save him for pay-per-views.

TNA’s biggest problem is it’s lack of originality. While it has changed to a six-sided ring (rather than the standard square), the rest of it just seems to be copying WWE. Their hour long show is called Impact! which seems to be a straight rip-off of WWE’s two-hour long friday night show, Smackdown! (right down to the exclamation point). Instead of a tables, ladders and chairs match at their next pay-per-view, they are having a “full-metal mayhem” match - which apparently consists of tables, ladders, chairs - and chains. Their X-division remarkably resembles WWE’s cruiserweight division mixed with the old Hardcore division.

And then there’s the similarity in wrestlers: Abyss seems to be a straight rip-off of WWE’s Kane (back when he wore a mask); The Alpha Male is a wannabe Rock; James Mitchell is Paul Bearer; etc., etc., etc.

So, with all this copying, are the matches any good? Nope. Most of them are rather boring. After all, it’s not easy to care what happens to wannabes, so if you’re watching a match where you don’t have a favorite, it’s hard to try to get involved in it. Nothing really exciting happens either, no crazy stunts or anything - they tend to keep it pretty tame. Maybe that’s different for pay-per-views, but there’s no way I’m shelling out the extra cash to see these wannabes do damage to each other.

So why do I keep watching TNA? One reason: Jeff Hardy. His high-flying stunts in the WWE are legendary, and (according to TNA’s website), he’s now on TNA. But, have I seen him once in the months I’ve been recording Impact? Nope - not a single solitary sighting.

If he doesn’t show up soon - or they somehow finagle The Rock (now no longer under WWE contract) or Goldberg to make an appearance, I’m going to give up.

If you’re going to compete with a juggernaut like WWE, don’t just take their rejects - build up your own base of wrestlers. TNA, so intent on hiring ex-WWE, hasn’t really done this, with only AJ Styles as anyone worth anything - and his unsightly mole is probably what’s keeping him off of WWE. Build up your own stars - stop piggybacking on WWE and WCW - if you want to become big, pave your own road.

In case you’re interested, you can read more about TNA on their website, tnawrestling.com

Update:

Jeff Hardy has gone back to WWE…and they also picked up The Alpha Male (who was on ECW for a little while but hasn’t been on in weeks. And TNA has taken Kurt Angle. That’s a coup for them…but the new “big bad yet whiny” Kurt isn’t as much of an incentive to watch TNA as one might think.